Chuck Norris Facts

• Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Ever
  
• Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunt implies the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
  
• Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
  
• Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice.
  
• In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else as ever gotten.
  
• Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks are not the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
  
• Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter 2" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked about this glitch Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
  
• Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle--you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse kick you in the face.
  
• If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds til." After you ask, "Two seconds til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
  
• Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
  
• Chuck Norris can drink an entire gallon of milk in forty-seven seconds.
  

(These are only a few my favorites that got passed on to me in an email. Thought they were worth sharing. If want the email I forward you).

Time to Morph

I just read the first chapter of Ortberg's The Life You've Always Wanted. I heard Ortberg speak back in the fall while at the American Association for Christian Couselers' world conference in Nashville and I can say that his guy is the real deal, not just a bunch of fluf and things put well. I've had this feeling the last few weeks, that one you get when you are more aware than usual that the world is not as it should be. The news, the consumerism all around me. I made two phone calls to the Arkansas child abuse hotline just this week. Things are not right. I'm not right. I listened to Rob Bell's Praying With An Ache sermon (see link to right) recently and it sticks with me. He talks of God being able to handle our doubts, our fears, our asking him if he's planning to show up here and help us when we are waiting. I wonder if my feeling sad about the way that things are bothers God. Or if it's pleasing to God, or if he feels some other way. Or if this aching is in itself a form of worship or prayer. The Spirit groans within us when we don't even know how to pray says Paul. I've not done well in practicing all of the spiritual disciplines recently and ask "Am I spiritual?" Then I find myself in the "pains of childbirth" as I work with distressed families, wondering if they are going to "get it." I feel a lot of things deeply yet am not always in conversation with God about them, or am I? Anyone? I like this idea of morphing--of being just a dude and yet no mere mortal, of accessing a power that is not my own for the benefit of others. Anyone want to morph? We should use that word a lot this year. If any of my co-workers read this they are going to think I'm nuts.

Practicing Mindfulness (week 1)

I'm going to try blogging each week this year. That's not a new year's resolution but maybe writing a thought or two each week will help me be more mindful. Mindfulness...yes, that's what I'm after this year, to practice mindfulness. I wasn't mindful much this past year. I didn't make enought time to really know myself, have a relationship with myself, know my thoughts and heart. It's harder to relate well to others and to God when I don't know myself. It comes down to taking time to be quiet and to avoid distractions like television and menial tasks and to know what is still left when I stop thinking about what's on television or what's for dinner or what thing I'm going to try to pick up next. I waste a lot of time thinking about or preoccupied with stuff that can take up a whole day and that isn't very meaningful. My wife asks me what I'm thinking pretty often. She did several times while traveling in the car to New Mexico for Christmas. And usually, I wasn't thinking about much that was worth a flip (where is Mitch Mustain going to play football next year, what's mom gonna cook while I'm there, gosh I want an ipod, when do I need to rotate my tires again). So, this year is my year to be more mindful and to sometimes have a better answer when asked "what are you thinking?" Not that I won't still think of fishing, or that thing I gotta do, but I want to do more pondering of things that matter much more this year. And, I want to know how I'm really doing, to be more aware of my emotional state, anxiety, stress, fear, whatever. To know when I'm okay and when I'm not, and to not be decieved on this as I think I have so often been this last year. So, if you see me ask me what I've been thinking and how I'm doing. I'm also going to wear my seatbelt every day this year. I'm on my second day now. It's hard but I'm taking it one day at a time. I hate that thing. You'll see that I've changed some names around as far as my blog sites go. That's mostly just for fun and cuz it's a new year and thought I'd change it up a bit. So long to aaalllllll of my readers out there. Have a happy new year, have fun, and be a better person.